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Keep your shirt on, followers.
Here's the situation. So far, in March, my weekends (ie, usual writing time) have been full up. bachelor weekends or friend visits or (upcoming) trips home. Additionally, I'm finding myself super behind on work. So, i'm still reading and taking my notes, but, to alleviate some stress, I've decided to possibly do a superblog at the end of the month or something. Because i'm still doing the legwork... just haven't gotten to the polish yet! Thanks for understanding, following!

I'm Shakin Like A Leaf

Week 9 (February 24 - March 2)

Old Testament (Leviticus 15 – 27:13)

Maybe I've watched a little bit too much Supernatural, but I did a double-take when God was doling out the instructions about the sacrifice for atonement. He mentions that Aaron is to send a goat out into the wilderness for Azazel, which made me wonder, “Why the heck does that yellow-eyed demon get a goat!?” Someone clear this one up for me.

I have written (at length) about my views on Leviticus 18, homosexuality and the Bible in the past, so I don’t see the need to revisit it here.

Every time I read “in the Jubilee,” I couldn't help but imagine that there were colorful sparklers constantly going off and that all the Israelites wore yellow rain jackets and pink wraparound shades.

Somewhat in the middle of these instructions, God drops this little nugget: “Do what I tell you; live what I tell you. I am God.” I love it that God felt the need to clarify that there is a difference between just doing something and living it – a difference between just going through the motions and allowing something to permeate my being, flow through me and dictate the direction I’m heading. God then ends this chore of a book with an Oreo cookie: a list of incentives of things he will bless the Israelites with if they follow Him, consequences for if (when) they don’t and a promise that he will remember his covenant with their patriarchs if they were to fall away and then repent.

And that’s Leviticus. Still gotta slog through Numbers, but then we’re through the mud so we’re halfway through the mire!

New Testament (Mark 7 – 10)

I like to drive. Ever since I got that laminated picture ID and a set of keys, I've taken great pleasure in driving folks around. I think it’s a learned behavior – my mom liked to drive my crew around before we could drive ourselves. She says it’s because it gave her a glimpse into our lives – what we were into, who our friends were, who liked who, whatever. It let her connect with us during a time where kids tend to disconnect from their folks as much as they can. I think I picked that up once I got the keys to jLo and moved on to college. I had a car with a giant backseat and a working engine, something the majority of my crew didn't, so I found myself volunteering to drive us wherever we went. I also liked the control that came with being the driver – I never had to call shotgun, I always had veto power over and radio and I got to decide which route we took. That hasn't always worked out so well, though. There have been plenty of times, especially since moving back to NOLA, that it would have been wiser for me to let someone else take the wheel and get us where we needed to go, because I had no idea how to get there. Jesus kind of hits on this point this week, when he essentially tells the disciples that if they’re gonna follow him, they need to give him the wheel.

As I was reading the passage where Jesus talks about poking out your eye or cutting off your hand if it causes you to sin, I was reminded of a SCL entry I read once. In it, Jon talks about things that he, as a Christian, probably shouldn't know exist. One thing that Jesus says is that it’d be better to sit around in heaven with one eye than to have 20/20 vision in Hell. This is something I struggle with, because I so want to be up to speed with what’s going on in the world. Despite the fact that I’m not edified in the slightest by Odd Future (besides an instrumental or two), I’ll listen through all of it, just so I can be “in the know” if it happens to come up in conversation (and it never does). Food for thought.

Psalms (40:11 – 45) & Proverbs (10:13 – 22)

This week, the psalms started off with this classic hymn.

As I read Psalm 44, I was reminded of something God said at the end of Leviticus (what!? I actually got something out of Leviticus!?). God’s talking about the possible consequences if his people don’t follow his instructions and one of the things he says is that if they “continue to defy me, then I will in turn defy you” and goes on to list all of the terrifying ways He’ll do this. And I get the feeling that David’s sentiments in Psalm 44 echo the defiance he feels from the Lord. To me, it’s the best picture of doubt the Psalms have produced yet – far from the typical, “I’m so low, but you’re so great and you will redeem me” psalm he’s written over and over and over and over again. That said, I feel like this aforementioned common theme running throughout the Psalms is vocalized in this jam from Rich Mullins, so enjoy.  

How Long to Sing This Song?

Week 8 (Feb. 17 – 23)

As I mentioned last week (i.e.: yesterday), this car has hit the Old Testament mud: Leviticus. My personal history has me skidding out at this book almost every time I have attempted this epic goal of biblical scholarship (except for that one time I made it through and stalled out in Numbers). I'm a story guy. My brain thrives on narrative and concept – not rules, bullet points and lists. Therefore, I've decided (when necessary) to combine the OT/Psalmverbs sections until we make it through the mud. It’s my blog and I’ll write what I want to. Not this week, though. I also made a few references to beards… this was unintentional, but on my mind as I had a nightmare last night where I shaved.

Old Testament (Leviticus 4–14)

Earlier this weekend, I was talking with Steinface and mentioned that I’d gotten to Leviticus and that this had always been a struggle for me. Juice pointed out that the purpose of the Law was to show the Israelites (and, subsequently, us) the pointlessness of trying to obtain salvation on one’s own. It’d be like if some cynical genius wrote an intentionally cryptic song with no meaning whatsoever to see what intepretation folks would derive from it or if a drunk Irishman or smacked-out American decided to experiment with the written word and ended up with two books heralded as classic works of literature that are nothing more than incoherent ramblings and garbage. OK, ok, I’m not gonna let my dislike of Joyce and Burroughs derail this train  (coo-coo-cajoo) – all I’m saying is that I get the concept, Lord. Is it necessary to spend a month reading about boils and the inherent evils of crawfish?

There were a couple of story points in Leviticus, though, so I pulled them out. The first is when the Israelites go through the motions the very first time and make their first offering to God, resulting in a great big explosion of acceptance. Everyone cheers and everyone’s happy and that’s probably the last time that’s going to happen for a while. I’d be happy too, though. I've written before about how stupid I think the Israelites are for physically seeing the presence of God and doubting him. That said, if bearded Moses started rolling out all these crazy rules and requirements that I need to meet in order to worship God, I’d start questioning, “Is this the same guy that led us out of Egypt or was that guy replaced with another magnificently-bearded hermit when we made that pit-stop at the mountain?” To me, the fiery display God makes when accepting the offering is a sign of validation, both of Moses and of His people. In the same way that we all need a little bit of encouragement to continue the race, I feel like this was God’s way of saying, “Finally, you got something right. Keep up the good work.”

And, in typical Israelite (read: human) fashion, they screw it up the next day. A couple of Aaron’s sons, those ever-loving priests, go into the Tent of Meeting and offer “strange fire” to God, which displeases Him and He strikes them down dead with “strange lightning”. My first thought when I read this passage was that those priests decided to go smoke some of the holy sacrament in the Tent, which didn't make God too happy (because that’s reserved for special occasions!). I kid, of course, but I do think it’s interesting that following this story, Moses tells Aaron that he and his sons aren't allowed to imbibe when they enter the Tent. Call me an addictions counselor, but I can’t help but see a correlation between people doing stupid things and drinking.

New Testament (Mark 3–6)

Firstly, Mark is a fast read. Everything is very factual and brief. Secondly, I've run into the problem I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, where I’m now re-reading stories and concepts that I already wrote about. Oh well.

I can’t remember if I already wrote about the following story (probably not) and I don’t care to go back and look. But since it’s currently the Lenten season, I feel it’s appropriate to address. Some folks ask Jesus why John the Baptist’s disciples fast, but Christ’s do not. Jesus replies saying that, essentially, there’s no point to fasting when you’re in the presence of Jesus. This calls to mind the point of fasting and, to this New Orleans boy, the point of Lent. Now, forgive me if I mess this up because I’m a good Southern Baptist, but from what I understand, the purpose of sacrificing something for Lent is to deepen my relationship with God. If I've given up sweets, whenever I start craving a Mounds bar, I’m supposed to remember the Lord and say a prayer or something. It’s really an exercise to help me remember my dependence upon Him… you know, like a less excruciating, more obvious version of Leviticus. So the disciples, who are in the physical presence of Christ, have no reason to fast because they’re not likely to forget about the bearded prophet healing cripples and casting out yellow-eyed soul-suckers right in front of their faces.

And then there’s that part where Jesus tells folks not to hide their lamp under a bushel. While this may make you think of that song we used to sing in children’s church, but it calls to my mind one of the hardest rocking Newsboys jams ever, one that sends chills up my spine whenever that bridge kicks in. This song kicks off their only consistently awesome record (says the man that hasn't listened to a Newsboys record in 10 years), so props to Jesus for making this my jam of the day.

Psalms (36–40) and Proverbs (10:1–12)

I’ll be straight with ya’ll – I don’t get much from the Psalms except reminders of jams. So here’s the ones I pulled this week – with a couple from DCT (of course).

Ps 36:1 - Your Love Oh Lord

Ps 37:14-15 - The Archers Bows Have Broken (I don’t think this song actually has anything to do with this psalm – but David mentioned broken bows and that’s where my head goes)

Ps 37:23-24 - What If I Stumble (This psalm actually answers the question K-Max so earnestly asks in the chorus – “Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?” with the promise that God will uphold those righteous folks with his mighty hand, even if they stumble)

Ps 40 – “40” (Yes, I realize this is a U2 song. But DCT turned this song into a JAM and that wins every time)

Taste and See

Week 7 (Feb. 10 - 16)

This week, I took a Sabbath from writing. I felt it was only appropriate for the seventh week of this project. That, and The Rock dropped the People’s Elbow on my productivity time. All of that said, I was actually a good Christian last week. I read my allotted reading and took my notes… I just didn’t get around to writing it out til now.  So without any further delay, here’s week seven.

Old Testament (Exodus 30:11 – Leviticus 3)

We pick back up where we left off in Exodus, where God is giving every single detail of how to worship Him. I can’t lie – I skimmed this. It’s like when I’m reading Dickens and his characters start discussing their finances and accounts (something Dickens does in every single book)… my eyes just glaze over until the narrative picks back up. The brain God gave me physically can’t process numbers and minutia, so I don’t think he’s gonna hold it against me for skimming this section. I feel like God listed out all of these details, just so at the end he could point out that he provided the people and resources to carry these details out. The artisans to create the designs, the builders and construct the structures, the perfumist to create the incense, etc. It’s like he took the scenic route to point out that we all have our own strengths and weaknesses and that he’s not going to ask us to do anything we’re not capable of doing.

Let’s return to our common theme that the Israelites may be the dumbest people in history. They can physically see the mountain that Moses is on… you know, the one covered in God’s holy smokes and fire – and they decide the golden calf is a good idea. You know what, on second thought, let’s not return there.

Earlier I wrote about how I thought that Abraham’s intervention on behalf of Lot and Sodom & Gomorrah was an opportunity that God gave him, rather than a genuine example of someone changing God’s mind. However, I don’t feel the same way about Moses’ intervention on the Israelites’ behalf following the Golden Calf Incident. In my reading of this, I gathered that Moses legitimately swayed God from giving the Israelites what they justly deserved. I need a Calvinist to explain that one to me.

And that’s about it for the Old Testament this week. Next week we hop into Leviticus and Numbers follows that one, so I’m expecting the Old Testament sections to be extremely short in the coming month or so.

New Testament (Matthew 26:47 – Mark 2:12)

One topic I’ve discussed in a few groups recently is the self-fulfilling prophecy. Essentially, I live what I believe and if I truly believe I’m going to die by thirty or help eliminate AIDS, I’m going to make decisions in my life and take actions that will allow this prophecy to come true. Obviously, this applies to my clients because if they truly believe that staying sober is impossible or that no one will ever love them or whatever, they’ll take action to make that come true. I was reminded of this by Jesus’ statement that those who live by the sword will die by the sword. You may remember Metallica paraphrasing Christ’s words in their “hit” single, Frantic: “My lifestyle determines my deathstyle.”… No? You don’t remember Frantic? You don’t remember St. Anger at all? Yeah, I wish I could forget it too…

I love the way Jesus chastises his captors for bringing weapons to his arrest – “I’ve been teaching you about peace and gentleness, but you thought it was necessary to bring swords and clubs? You really don’t get it, do you?” I’m reminded of my Values Studies class at LC with Dr. Heard, where he classified the different levels of selflessness a person can attain (if that’s not exactly how it went, forgive me. I didn’t value that class). All that I really remembered was that Jesus, MLK and Ghandi were in the same category, where they valued the lives of others and peace and all that crap over their own lives, hence the non-violence. I guess what I’m getting at is that this scene reminds me of MLK’s “Why We Can’t Wait.”

And with that, I’ll save the rest of the passion/resurrection story for when we get to John, so I’ll actually have something to write about when we get there. You know, unless something during Matthew’s description of the passion really jumps out at me… LIKE JESUS RAISING THE LIVING DEAD!? (Matt 27:52) WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA……

Psalms (32 – 35:28) & Proverbs (8:27- 9:18)

I usually reference The Tell Tale Heart when I talk about the weight of sin and guilt (or when I’m talking about a fifth step and catharsis). Psalm reminded me of this.

We also got to the Psalm that inspired Petra to write my favorite Audio Adrenaline jam.

Finally, I can’t help but think of Andy from Parks and Rec every time David references “the pit”… which is quite often. 

Joy Comes in the Morning

Week 6 (February 3 – 9)

I didn't bother to write a weekly wrap-up last week, so I’ll try and make up for it here. These past two weeks have been a struggle. I've found myself waiting until the last minute on my reading and playing catch-up on the day I write these things. That’s really not the way I intended this goal to go down – but I’m not gonna beat myself up too much because it’s still getting done. I also had a thought as I was writing up my notes on the New Testament. I’m still in Matthew, which is the first of the synoptic Gospels (there are three – Mark and Luke). Being that this is the first of the three, and a lot of the stories and things written about in Matthew are also written in the other Gospels, I’m worried that I might punch myself out – i.e, write about all my observations for these stories now and have nothing left when they crop up again. That said, these New Testament sections might run a little shorter in the future.

Old Testament (Exodus 17:8 – 30:10)

When Jethro (Moses’ father-in-law and Jed's nephew) pops up, I instantly expected him to try and swindle Moses the same way Laban screwed over Jacob. However, he provides wisdom and encouragement to the guy. This caused me to examine something I’d never thought about before – Moses doesn't know his father. I mean, we know the story – he gets put in a basket by his moms and raised by Pharoah's daughter, but a father-figure is never mentioned. All of a sudden, Moses’ whole dynamic changes to me – I see why Jethro is necessary, to act as a surrogate, earthly father to this guy. His questioning of God early on makes a little bit more sense now because Moses has no paternal history to base his ideas on God upon. I've been fortunate enough to have been blessed with an extremely wise and loving earthly father, but Moses didn't have that. This also allows me to see how Moses can be a very appealing character to the children of the fatherless, many of my clients included.
Jethro's wisdom reminds me of something my supervisor reminds me of on a regular basis – that I can't do this all on my own, there’s no shame in delegation. I think that Moses’ response (“These people come to get answers from God and I am his messenger”) to Jethro exposes a character defect that we both share – pride. Many times I find that I’m hesitant to ask for help or admit that I’m drowning because I tell myself and others that I, like Lil Brudder, can do it on my own. Finally, Jethro tells Moses to consult with God before he actually puts any of his wisdom to action – something we’ll hit on later in the New Testament section.

So then God descends on Mount Sinai in an awesome description, including smoke, lightning and a volcano! Then He tells them the Ten Commandments and the Israelites crap their pants and tell Moses that, from here on out, they’d rather him speak to God and hear His words secondhand from Moses because they’re scared of Him. Moses tells them to not be afraid, that God is reaching out to them to instill a reverence, but still, they’d still rather shirk this relationship and put it on Moses. I notice that, once the Israelites shrink back into their shells, God throws down a ton more rules – which makes me wonder if these rules would have been necessary had the Israelites taken God’s hand instead of hiding behind Moses. I've face-palmed because of these guys over and over again, seeing what God has physically shown them and promised them and their continued response to him. It defies all common sense, until I realize that I do the same thing every day, whether it’s cursing at the slow driver on my commute or skipping church on Sunday because I’d rather stay up late Saturday night watching shows. So I guess it’s time to put down that magnifying glass and pick up that mirror.

The last thing I've got for the Old Testament this week came during a wrap-up of one of the chapters – it factually states that Moses spent 40 days and 40 nights on the mountain, in God’s presence, as he received the law. I got to thinking about how I’d spent the past 40 days (exactly!) reading the Word and the benefits that came from that. I also started wondering about how intense that experience must have been. I mean, the most intense, close-to-God worship experience I ever had lasted for less than an hour (Voodoofest 2008; don’t hate) – I couldn't imagine keeping up that kind of intensity for 40 straight days. Guess I've got some prepping to do before dying.

New Testament (Matthew 22:34 – 26:46)

This week’s reading found us in the middle of a tongue-lashing of the Pharisees, courtesy of our Lord. Notably, Jesus points out that the people should listen to what the Pharisees have to say, since they’re educated in the Law and know what they should do, but to avoid following in their footsteps because they don’t practice what they preach. He also points out that, instead of giving the people God’s word in a digestible, appealing fashion, they present it as a bundle of rules and then sit back and smile as the people stumble and struggle to follow them. I was telling someone recently that, when I try to explain my faith, I try and explain why I like my faith, what makes it important to me, rather than just why they need to have it too. I mean, if I wanted you to experience the beauty of Norma Jean, I wouldn't just toss Bless the Martyr at you and tell you, “If you don’t like this, you don’t understand music,” right? I’d explain to you, with passion, why I love that record and why it’s worth sacrificing your time and some hearing. Why should we treat the Gospel any differently?

I had a hard (read: impossible) time reading Christ’s description of the end times without picturing specific scenes and characters from Left Behind. Some friends came over the other night and one of them commented on the fact that I own, and proudly display, the original series (the first 12 books – everything afterwards is just lagniappe). Those books may have been completely ridiculous and theologically holey, but for a 14-yr old with a ton of spare time and a library card, they were very entertaining. Granted, I now cannot listen to Plumb without thinking of that series (and vice versa), they hold a special place. That said, I think it’s important to note that Jesus points out that no one will know or expect his return – so sorry Nick Cage and Kirk Cameron, you’re gonna have to keep guessing.

Finally, let’s look at the story where the chick anoints Christ’s feet with the Chanel No. 5 and wipes it down with her hair. The disciples get all upset and start saying, “She shoulda sold that stuff and given the money to the poor!”, when Jesus cuts them off and essentially says, she’s anointing me for my burial to come. This got me to thinking about how I've seen others and myself jump all over folks for doing this or that, without considering why they’re doing it. In this story, for example, this woman has been moved by the presence of the Messiah and feels led by God to anoint him. Earlier, we saw Jethro advise Moses on ways to delegate his responsibilities if God led him to do so. One word I tell my clients that I hate over and over again, so much so that I've all but eliminated it from my own vocabulary is the word “should,” primarily because every time I use it, it’s in reference to something I want someone else to do. If God leads someone to tithe to Carman or take a prayer walk or sue Obama, who am I to say differently? I wasn't led to do that – but I’m not the only person God talks to.

And there was this too.

Psalms (27 – 31:24) & Proverbs (6:27 – 8:26)

In proverbs, Solomon drops some common sense on me, essentially saying, “Can a guy play with fire and not get burnt? (IGNORE MOSES) So how can you expect to sin and not suffer the consequences?” I can’t read Proverbs 7 without thinking of my clients – being in places where you’re setting yourself up for failure, the allure of temptation and the eventual disastrous consequences. Maybe this weighs heavy on my heart this week because I received the news on Saturday that a former client had relapsed and died of an overdose. I told a coworker that that’s the urgency of this field – if I’m counseling couples, the average worst-case-scenario involves them getting divorced; but with addiction, the worst-case consequences are so much more dire. I certainly don’t blame myself or my coworkers for the choices that this client made – but it does instill in me a renewed sense of that urgency and diligence to be the best counselor I can be for these guys.

And, to end on a happy note, some Stavesacre (culled from Psalm 30:5). “Weeping is cast for the night, but joy comes in the morning.”

I Want the Things You Just Can't Give Me

Week 5 (January 27 - February 2)
Old Testament (Exodus 4 - 17:7)

Let’s just get this out of the way first and foremost – for a guy who says he’s garbage at talking, Moses sure whines a lot. Maybe it’s no coincidence that we’re introduced to Moses when he’s a baby because it seems like this guy never quits crying about something. But it’s not just limited to Moses – it’s a family affair. These Israelites cry in Egypt, they cry in the desert, they cry on the mountaintop and they cry on the seabed. Ray Lewis has caught a lot of flak in the past 2 weeks because of his emotional postgame interviews and his out-of-context Scripture quotations, but I truly believe that Ray Lewis is a child of God because he cries like one. And I’m not the only one that this bothers – God essentially debunks every excuse Moses has (and then some). God tells Moses that the patriarchs only knew him as “the Strong God”, but that the Israelites will know him as Yahweh – they will experience his presence and know him much more intimately than those old patriarchs did (especially Isaac. Stupid Isaac). And yet, still Moses tries to weasel out of his duties and act like he knows the Egyptian/Israelite-relations situation better than God does.

Not only does God continually assure Moses that, “yes, I do know what I’m talking about,” but he has to treat these stupid Israelites with pillowhands! He holds their hand as a pillar of cloud during the day and a pillar of fire in the dark, so they’ll know which way to walk. He specifically leads them down a path where they won’t encounter any enemies because he’s worried if they have to fight a war they will bail back to Egypt. You stupid Israelites just saw the freaking Angel of Death and 9 other fun plagues and you still think bailing is a good idea? You have a pillar of freaking fire, God’s freaking presence, leading you along the road and bailing is an option? You know, if these are God’s chosen people, I’d really hate to know how stupid my Gentile face is on a day-to-day basis.

Let’s talk about these plagues. So God goes ahead and tells Moses from the start that he’s going to harden Pharaoh’s heart. Rather than explain why now, God explains his reasoning 9 plagues in – he wants to spread his reputation throughout the world and Egypt is receiving his wrath because they’ve built their empire on the backs of his people. God’s hardened Pharaoh’s heart because he wants to demonstrate his power and who better to demonstrate your strength with than mighty Egypt? This reminds me of a monologue by one Augustus Hill of Oz (CAUTION: LANGUAGE, MOM!). Let’s also look at some of these plagues in detail: So pharaoh’s magicians are able to recreate blood and frogs, but let’s be real – they’re just making more frogs! How is that helping anyone? I also love the fact that it emphasizes that God killed all the frogs – they didn’t just disappear. I grew up in the hills (of suburban Birmingham) and let me tell you that dead frogs stank! So call that half a plague. At gnats, the magicians become completely useless and at flies, the Israelites are set apart and don’t receive any of the plagues… and yet they still thought it was appropriate to whine during the exodus.

Here’s my question for the week: in Exodus 4:26, God is on the brink of killing Moses until his wife quickly circumcises their son and rubs the bloody foreskin on Moses, sparing his life (I’m not being gross, this is in the Bible). The question… WHAT THE HECK!?

New Testament (Matthew 18 - 22:33)

A common theme throughout Jesus’ teachings this week was the difficulty of entering the kingdom of heaven (on one’s own). Twice this week, Christ pointed out the kids and told us that, in order to enter heaven, we needed to be more like them. For a long time, I’d read these passages and interpret them to mean that we are to simplify our lives, unburden ourselves with knowledge and over-complication. I would have included this week’s drama at LC in this category. I was trying to explain the situation to my Hindu co-worker and the best I could come up with (after explaining denominations) was, “10% of Southern Baptists are Calvinists, 10% are Armenian and everyone else couldn't care less. And the people running my school are really stupid.” This reading of the scripture, however, revealed to me a new layer – Jesus doesn't just want us to simplify our lives, he also wants us to realize our dependence upon God (Totally the first 3 Steps - I can’t; He can; I’ll let Him). There’s no way we could ever earn our way into Heaven, but accepting my birthright as a child of God punches my ticket. This revelation was like that image of the duck-rabbit, where once it hit me I thought, “How the heck did I not see that before!?”

And now we have the Rich Young Ruler. This fella can get what he wants with a little cash and clean-living and asks Jesus what he’s gotta do to get into heaven. After telling this fella to keep the commandments, Jesus looks at his terrycloth robe and Rainbow sandals and tells him to give all his stuff away and follow Him and the fella walks away sad because he’s got so many things he’s not ready to give up yet. Naturally, this idea of surrender (coupled with what I read about Pharaoh this week) makes me think about my clients and the recovery concept of reservations. In recoveryspeak, a reservation is that thing I’m holding onto that’s keeping me from devoting myself fully to sobriety. It might be my friends, town, or lifestyle or might just be that “last” bender ima go on once I get outta rehab. Whatever it is, the fact that I continually hold this reservation keeps me from completely converting my old life over to my new life and, subsequently sees me relapsing over and over again. So often, my clients want to surrender their lives over to their Higher Power on their terms (“Alright, God… I’ll quit using, but you gotta give me one last hurrah to go out on!”) and the truth is – GOD, not they, (or I!) dictates the terms. This is the lesson that we learned from Egypt – God is big and can do what He wants, when He wants, and doesn't need (or want) my approval to do it. The surrender of my life to God is an unconditional surrender – I don’t get to dictate terms to him, I have to give it all over.

Also this has nothing to do with the actual scripture it takes it’s title from, but I can’t help but think of Brand New when I read the phrase “Seventy Times Seven.” To Jesse Lacey’s credit he did forgive the guys in Taking Back Sunday for stealing his girlfriend (or whatever happened) and sings this song onstage with them.

Psalms (22:19 - 27:6) and Proverbs (5:15 - 6:26)

We recognize the beginning of Psalm 22. Jesus quoted it on the cross and System of a Down lifted it for my favorite song of 2001. Still, it’s very cool to know that, despite the pain and anguish running through Jesus’ body at the time of his death, he had the clarity of mind to drop a Scripture prophesying this very event and the redemption of God’s Kingdom. Very cool. This is followed by another famous Psalm (23), focusing on the comfort one finds in the Lord. I've gotta praise God on his editing skills here; it’s essentially the Transatlanticism/Passenger Seat of the Bible – a one-two punch of intensity, followed by serenity and calm.

Also found in the Psalms this week were the scriptures that inspired a magnificent Third Day jam and a youth-choir Third Day jam, as well as one of my favorite car jams as a kid.

Speaking of when I was a kid, I remember citing Proverbs 6:6 as my favorite scripture for years. Solomon chiding his audience for being lazy and not ant-like made me laugh and also hit home that I was incredibly lazy myself. Of course, since Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull came out, I haven’t been able to think of ants without dying inside a little bit, so this scripture will most definitely not make my Top 10.

I'll Be Alright When the Waves Come Crashin

Week 4 (January 20 – 26)

This week won’t make any greatest hits. Like last week, my daily regimen of Scripture was nil – except, unlike last week, I didn’t play ketchup until Sunday. I also found myself battling a phantom ulcer (according to WebMD and Oschner) and a migraine (from too much scripture in one day), so I’ve gotta take better care of myself, lest I become a Sheila. Let’s get to it.

Old Testament (Genesis 41:17 - Exodus 3)

So Joseph gets a promotion from Pharaoh – he goes from being a prison trustee to Veep, just by doing a little dream analysis. What impresses me the most about this part of Joseph’s story is the notation that as soon as Joseph left Pharaoh’s presence, he began his work. As a self-confessed lazybones who spends every Monday hanging out with the Lethargariansin the Doldrums, the idea that this guy wouldn't spend his first week on the job sitting around his palace playing Nintendo 64BC amazes me. To me, that is dedication. That is purpose. It’s consistent with his character, because Joseph has thus far proved himself a dedicated worker – but the fact that he got started as soon as he walked out of the throne room? Wow. Props.

Query: how old is Benjamin when they come to the part where he has to go to Egypt with the brothers? In the pictures of my Beginner’s Bible, Benjamin is still a little kid at this point – but my grown-up math tells me that my Beginner’s Bible might not have been inerrant. So, that said, why the heck is Jacob treating Benjamin like a little kid? Doesn't this guy have any self-respect? Can’t he speak up for himself and say, “Yo daddio, we need bread!” I completely realize that it’s a different culture and what Jacob says goes, but it seems like every other tribe of Israel had two cents… Benjamin had nothing?

Speaking of Jacob and his lesser sons, I did appreciate the part where he essentially says why he likes some kids more than others: “Reuben slept with my wife. These guys are stone-cold killers. This guy has honor and Jesus will come from him. And this guy sold himself into slavery… screw him.”

The only note I've got about Exodus so far (besides Moses’ whining) is that the exodus Pharaoh reminds me of Calvin Candie from “Django Unchained” (“We gotta take care of these Israelites, otherwise they’re gonna rise up and kill us all!”). Didn't work out so well for Calvin… looking forward to Pharaoh.

New Testament (Matthew 13:24 - 17:27)

This week, we saw Jesus walking on water and I could try and write a whole thing about stepping out on faith… but Audio A already did (and I’m not gonna beat that one).

So Jesus points out that every student of the Kingdom is like a shop-owner – able to get you what you need when you need it. I’m assuming this is two-fold:
1. A student of the Word is going to know the Word and can give a good Word when Words are needed.
2. A student of the Kingdom is going to be in connection with the Holy Spirit.
My biblical knowledge is, by my own assessment, pretty limited. I've forgotten a lot of what I learned over the years and that well was pretty dry for the past few years. But despite my discipline struggles in the area of biblical study, I've been pretty reliant on the Spirit to get me through a lot of groups, a lot of individual sessions and a lot of situations in general. I've got a number of examples of times where my mouth/brain/whatever was empty before I had to lead a group, but the Spirit led the group members to bring a topic to heart or to share or brought an illustration to my mind when I needed it. So this idea of the holy shop-owner is an idea I can fully relate to – as long as I’m running a shop where POD and W's records are freely distributed and not banned or censored (looking at you, Lifeway).

Another day I’ll write about the impressions Jesus’ hometown had about him. Another day, another book. And speaking of other writings, I remember writing one time about how Jesus could have just used a single loaf and fish to feed all those hungry, but he used a number that totaled to 7. I’m right-brained and not The RZA, so I don’t give two shakes about numbers, but I did think that was cool.

This morning, Rob made a point in his sermon regarding the importance in using your teaching to support the Bible… and not the Bible to support your teaching. I was reminded of this when Jesus spoke about the Pharisees and said, “They just use me as a cover to teach whatever suits their fancy.” I grasp at straws a lot of times in the teaching that I do – mainly with outside illustrations (Star Wars = masks; Inception = irrational beliefs; Fight Club = coping skills), but I've definitely been guilty on occasion of trying to stretch my instructional reach to include biblical concepts (and then failing because the concepts don’t apply to what I’m teaching). Lord knows I don’t want to be a Trapper Keeper, adapting everything and creating a mess, so I gotta lock down my references and keep em within the contexts!

Let’s return to previous entries’ notes about the Bible being the story of what Jesus did and not about how it relates to me. I see an example of this during the Transfiguration in the character of Peter – Peter sees Jesus transformed in glory, standing with Moses and Elijah on a mountaintop, and asks, “Hey! Jesus! I’m going to build three memorials here to mark this experience, what do you think about that?” before God pulls the ultimate group moderation and shuts Peter down with an endorsement of Jesus. This, to me, exemplifies the times that I try to insert myself into these glorious moments that God accomplishes in my life. I want a memorial of my experience, not necessarily the experience. Granted, this is a day an age where this idea is formed, galvanized and golden-plated through social media, blogs, whatever – everything is all about how I experienced this event. Being aware of how I experienced God’s love is certainly important – it’s the filter through which I see the world and if there are distortions in my filter, they need to be replaced.  So some self-awareness is good – but self-centeredness, not so much. I've got to remind myself time and time again, this is God’s story, I’m just a bit part.

Ok, scholars, here’s my question for the week: Can someone explain Jesus’ exchange with the Gentile at Matt 15:22-28? For years this passage has confounded me. Obviously, racism and Jewish superiority aren’t in Jesus’ character – this is the guy who dines with tax collectors and had that intimate chat with the Samaritan chick! So someone with a clue please explain that exchange to me? Props.

Psalms (18 - 22:18) & Proverbs (4 - 5:14)

I've gotten pretty burnt out on the Psalms at this point. I feel like The Author (David, right?) just keeps writing the same song over and over. I haven’t even gotten to the 20^th Psalm yet and I’m confident that I've read, “They are wicked in your sight… I have remained righteous in your sight” at least that many times. David is like a biblical Chris Tomlin/Nickelback… he found one hit and he just keeps cranking it out.

That said, I did find a common, pertinent theme in the Psalms and Proverbs this week: “May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight.” I've found that re-reading a Bible verse that I’d once memorized (and forgotten) is a lot like hearing a song that slipped out of your memory. I wrote one time about how this happens periodically with me and 3 Doors Down’s “Loser” (although less often now that I've made myself aware of it). I would hear this song and rock out to it for a week, remembering how much I loved it, before completely forgetting about it’s existence until some nostalgic DJ decided to restart this cycle. Reading this verse, as well as it’s corresponding verses in Proverbs (Guard your heart, watch your tongue, keep your eyes straight and feet moving forward), brought this experience to my mind.

I’m very aware that I have a sailor’s tongue. Too often, I try to chalk it up to a casualty of my work environment – I hear, on average, 200 f-bombs a week so I figure “a few” are bound to slip out of my mouth. Recently, however, I've been making an effort to curb this negative habit – based off comments from my fam, friends, and mainly the fact that the kids are learning how to talk and those are words you learn at school – not from your fun uncle. I also think bowdlerized speech is much more humorous than expletives (see: Farscape). These verses provide me with the encouragement that this lagniappe goal isn't just something else I’m tossing on my plate – it’s a part of the whole goal to improve my life by inundating it in Scripture.

Ya Gotta Like That Style, Ya Gotta Like That Style

Week 3 (January 13 – 19)

This was a difficult, slow week. I found myself falling back into my routine of reading fiction until my eyes drooped, instead of capping my day off with the Word and subsequently playing catch-up on multiple days throughout the week. In lieu of the incredible length of last week’s entry, I decided to cut out parts of this one and focus rather on the bigger themes and observations (rather than everything). And a song.

Old Testament (Genesis 28 – 41:16)

Last week I wrote that I thought Isaac was the lamest of the patriarchs. This theory was compounded this week as I read about Jacob’s multiple, personal interactions with God. As far as I can remember, the only time God spoke with Isaac was when he told him that he’d bless him because he’d made a deal with his father (have fun with those pronouns, kids). Jacob’s first interaction with God occurs in a dream, in which Jacob sees a stairway to heaven (with a Led Zeppelin soundtrack, I can imagine). After waking up and making numerous exclamations of terror and awe, Jacob proclaims that he’ll allow God to be his God if God will bless him with a laundry list of things. I can’t help but find this a little weird and sincerely hope that I wouldn’t be so dense as to make demands from God after he showed me the gate to the beyond. A little later in the story, God wrestles with Jacob. I wonder why He did that. Did God get bored and want to play with someone? Was this story metaphorical? Biblical scholars, help me out.

The story of Leah has always depressed me. For one, it’s a powerful strong argument against alcohol. Laban gets Jacob so sloshed at his wedding that he doesn’t even realize he’s knockin boots with some other broad. Then, as soon as he’s done and kicks the lights on, he runs out powerful mad and starts shouting at Laban about the trickery! Then he gives Leah a week to be the only notch on his tentpole before he comes home and marries her sister. Crappy father, crappy husband. I was talking with Steiney Steinjuice today about this and he pointed out to me the correlation between OT characters with multiple wives and the number of problems they have. In Jacob’s defense, he does utter one of the few sensible lines I’ve heard a character in the OT speak. Rachel gets all histrionic and tells Jacob to give her a baby or she’ll die, to which Jacob replies, “What are you telling me for? I’m not God!”

Every coupla weeks, I find myself telling my clients that they can imagine situations to be much worse than they actually are. I use this as a method of reducing anxiety – I tell them that even though they could describe to me in detail what a dragon looks like, it doesn’t change the fact that dragons aren’t real (except in Westeros). I think the story of Jacob’s reunion with Esau is a great example of this. Jacob is psyching himself out, thinking Esau’s going to slaughter him, and he makes all these elaborate preparations and offerings expecting that – and Esau pulls a Lando and sweeps him off his feet in a bear hug. I can seriously just imagine Esau saying, “Why you slimy, double-crossing, no-good swindler. You got a lotta guts comin here… after what you pulled.” It’s perfect, isn’t it?

Finally, I’ll mention a Bible story that I have never understood. It’s found in Genesis . Onan’s brother dies for vaguely offending the Lord and so his dad tells him to get his sister-in-law pregnant to continue his brother’s line. But Onan doesn’t want to father a child that he has no claim to, so he pulls out every time and keeps the chick from getting pregnant – so God strikes him down. Can someone smart PLEASE explain to me why this was a strikeable offense!?

And instead of writing out my thoughts on Joseph, I’ll just give you this.

New Testament (Matthew 9:18 – 13:23)

All week, in the bible reading, in church this morning and random thoughts throughout the week, I kept catching a common theme – simply Jesus. I imagine that this is going to be a theme that recurs throughout the year, but it’s something I haven’t concentrated on much lately. In a coupla passages this week, Jesus talked about how he’s around for the folks who are burned out on religion and tired of trying to hold up a bar raised higher than they are. Of course, those meddling Pharisees are the target of most of Jesus’ words here. One thing that I’ve been continually reminded this week is that my life is not about what I have done or what I will do or what I’m trying to do to please God – it’s all about what Jesus did and my acknowledgement of that. Admittedly, I have a really hard time prioritizing heaven over earth. I do a lot of triage, and so it’s a lot easier for me to focus on what’s right in front of me. I love what Jesus says about how he came to free us from our desires for things, other people and status so that we would love him over everything.

I also thought it was just plain sad that the Pharisees would sooner convince themselves that Jesus had met the devil at the crossroads and struck up a deal for powers, rather than admit that the Messiah had come and that he wasn’t what their expectations were. God, please forgive me and smack me in the face when I’d sooner believe a lie than accept reality. Christ’s statement about the logical impossibility of Satan casting out Satan reminded me of one of my favorite MLK quotes (that he probably stole from someone else): “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

One other thing I caught (that I never have before) was Jesus’ step-by-step instructions on how to witness. I was struck by how closely it resembled the model we followed during my trip to Orlando in 2010 to fulfill my class requirements for some Bible class (and fulfill my pilgrimage to Harry Potter World). I was also struck by how these instructions in no way resembled the method of the preachers I’ve seen so frequently on the streets of my town. When Jesus mentions not seeking out opportunities to make a scene, but rather capitalizing on the scenes you find yourself in, I thought about Paul (or was it Stephen? Or both? Haven’t gotten to Acts yet.) when he delivered his history/testimony in the public square after having been arrested.

Psalms (11 - 17) & Proverbs (3:11–35)

Not too much here this week. I think my favorite things I gathered from Proverbs were the way Solomon connected the basic Creation story (that I skimmed 2 weeks ago) with the topic of wisdom. To me, it kind of added a new level to the story, as well as making the Old Testament a bit more cohesive. I also like the fact that wisdom = no worry. If I make wise choices and live in wisdom, I got no need to stress while I sleep – and you have no idea how valuable that proverb is to an anxious insomniac.

Trust

Week 2 (January 6 - 12)
Ok, so here’s what you’re about to read – as I went through the week, I jotted down a bunch of notes. At the end of the week, I put all these notes in a document and picked out a bunch of themes and wrote on those (along with a few observations). So instead of reading everything as I initially saw it, you’re getting a week’s worth of meditation. This also helps me to process what it was that I read and how it all relates to each other (as opposed to being compartmentalized from day to day.

Old Testament (Genesis 13:5 – 26:35)

• I’ve never understood why the Egyptians get punished for Abram’s wrong. I mean, the guy lies and whores out his wife and Pharaoh gets sick? This happens later with Ablimech (who gets burned twice – once with Abraham, once with Isaac). However, it seems that my question is answered during the Ablimech arc. God gives Ablimech a choice – return this chick or suffer. I think this whole thing is meant to illustrate Abraham’s limitations – the fudging God of the Universe has promised Abraham security, prosperity and kids – but Abraham is still afraid of these provincial kings. Even the kings seem to get it – when Ablimech returns Sarah, he essentially gives Abraham carte blanche over the land because he realizes who Abraham’s corner-man is – but Abraham still doesn’t seem to get it. As a further example of those outside his circle getting it (and possibly Abraham’s strength of character), Abraham insists on paying the full price for Sarah’s burial plot even though everyone just wants to give it to him due to his relationship with God. I choose to look at it as a strength, a sign that Abraham doesn’t want to take advantage of the kindness (or fear) of others or of his relationship with God.
• Sarah tells Abram, “God has not seen fit to give me a child” so knock up the maid. Thanks for being God’s emissary, Sarah. And of course Abram’s gonna go along with it because now he gets twice the action! And it’s sanctioned by his wife! Then she flips out once Hagar gets pregnant and blames Abraham – she’s got a real problem with personal responsibility, that Sarah. This continues later with the way Sarah treats Ishmael and forces spineless Abraham to send him out into the wilderness. Safe to say, this reading of Sarah didn’t endear her to me that much.
• Circumcision… ugh.
• For years I’ve used the story of Abraham and Sodom & Gomorrah as an example of God listening to his kids and weighing their thoughts. Although in this most recent reading, I pulled a deeper layer – this isn’t an example of Abraham bringing to light things that God hadn’t thought of yet – but rather an example of God giving Abraham a choice and an opportunity – advocate or ignore.
• Lot is a despicable character. Firstly, he tried to swindle Abraham and take the best land; then he offers up his daughters to the raging Sodomites so they’d leave the angels alone (and did Lot even know that they were angels?); and then he drags his feet and whines when the angels tell him to get the heck out of dodge. I love that it says, “And God was so merciful” as if to say, “Man, this guy really caught a break here.” We all know the story about Lot’s wife looking back at the destruction of the city and turning into a pillar of salt – but given the Bible’s description of the destruction (lava raining from the sky), can you blame her? Who wouldn’t want to see that!? I also used to question why the heck Lot’s daughters would want to sleep with their father (for obvious reasons). But after seeing how he treated them in Sodom, it’s pretty obvious that they have some daddy issues.
• Abraham may have his failings, but his trust in God is definitely his strength. Looking over this past week, I’m able to see a timeline: God promises Abram prosperity and a nation if he leaves, which is pretty good motivation, so he leaves. In the middle of the journey, though, God hasn’t given Abraham Isaac yet, so his trust falters and he gives in to Sarah’s suggestion about Hagar and continually tries to pass off Sarah as his sister to protect himself. However, once God gives him Isaac, Abraham’s faith and trust is restored and he goes so far as to bring his son to the mountaintop to serve as the sacrifice that God asked for, trusting that God will provide the sacrifice regardless (because God has provided what he’s said he would all along). Working from the addictions/twelve-step perspective, Abraham’s trust in God during the sacrifice situation is a prime example of Step 3 - someone submitting to God’s will over self-will (and receiving the bounty from it). There’s also the parallel and foreshadowing of Christ’s coming and sacrifice in Abraham’s statement, “God will provide the sacrifice.” Very powerful stuff.
• One thing I’ve always struggled with is the favoritism that the patriarchs seem to play. Abraham favors Isaac, Isaac favors Esau and Jacob favors Joseph. I can’t help but read these initial stories and think about how all of this will eventually come to a head with the story of Joseph. Prior to this reading, I would read the passages where God would tell Abraham that his line would come through Isaac and think that God was fostering this favoritism – now, though, I see that God talks about how he will provide for Ishmael and give him a nation and all these other things – God isn’t playing favorites with Abraham’s kids.
• That Rebekah must have been quite a looker – Isaac can’t even wait a day! He sees the chick, hears the story and immediately brings her into the tent and marries her. Not only that, but Rebekah presents herself to be the original Lady Macbeth/Cersei Lannister in the way she manipulates her husband to elevate her favorite son to receive the blessing.
• Finally, I’ve always felt like Isaac was the lamest of the patriarchs and have questioned why he gets listed amongst them. He has the least written about him, his character seems to be that of the spoiled son and even God says, “I’ll bless you because of my relationship with your pops.” Isaac was the original Roger Sterling (or Jackie Aprile Jr, depending on your preference).

New Testament (Matthew 5:27 - 9:17)

• Say what you will about The Message, but I really liked the different spin it puts on the Beattitudes. Again, this is a section of the Bible that I’ve read/heard so many times that it passes over my like water on a duck’s back most of the time. However, in this reading I was halfway through them before I realized I was in the Beattitudes. The translation highlighted the positive, practical virtues of what Christ is saying, rather than turning them into antonymic platitudes that I’m used to. As someone who leads close to 15 hours of group therapy a week, I love it that Jesus teaches in object lessons and real world examples, rather than philosophical garbage. I read a book in college about ways churches can appeal to their male constituency and it essentially boiled down to “Shorter sermons with object lessons.” I’ve got the world’s shortest attention span, so I appreciate it when someone uses pop-culture references or situational examples that I can relate to when trying to deliver their points. I also hate wasting my time with concepts and philosophy, and I think the majority of folks do as well. So, to me, the fact that Jesus teaches this way makes both his message and him so much easier to grasp to the everyday person… which is our theme for the week with Jesus! This comes in at the end of our readings as well, when the teachers jump all over Jesus for dining with and teaching the tax collectors and “sinners”, to which he replies, “Sick people need doctors, not healthy folks. I came to teach the outsiders, not coddle insiders.”
• Additionally, we always talk about how we need to “meet people where they’re at” instead of only talking to folks when they seek us out – and I think one of the ways that Jesus did this was through his miracles. He would meet both their spiritual and physical needs and show that he could be all things to all people. And when the skeptics would call him out and say, “Hey! You can’t tell people their sins are forgiven! That’s blasphemy and you can’t even prove that they are!” He’d give em a smirk and say, “Yeah? Well, which is easier? Telling a lifelong cripple that his sins are forgiven or telling him to stand up and dance? Well, here’s BOTH! BOOM!” Finally, Jesus tells us that we shouldn’t be impressed with charisma, but should look for character – and I think he practices what he preached. He wasn’t just a guy who would tell you to love your enemies and then hang out with his buddies – he’d minister to those enemies. We’ll hit more on this later in the year when Nicodemus comes in.
• Jesus tosses out these crazy statements (cut off your hand/poke out your eye if it causes you to sin), talking about the importance of the heart and mind and possibly contrasting that with the extreme lengths that these religious folks would go to in order to satisfy their perceived requirements – getting one’s heart right instead of superficially following a rule.  When talking about loving one’s enemies, I caught that God loves his enemies, regardless of whether they love him back or not. And Thank God for that. I also love it that Jesus essentially says, “I’m not going to congratulate you for brushing your teeth in the morning – doing something you’d do anyway.
• A topic I’ve discussed with my clients time and time again is value. I always talk about the importance of evidence in assessing whether you truly value something or not. To me, my evidence is time – If I say that I value my Bible, but I spend all my time watching Oz or vegging out with my 64 and can’t allot 15 minutes a day to my Bible, I probably don’t value it like I say I do. I feel like this concept is just an echo of the passage, “Where your treasure is, your heart will be also.” What I truly value is what I’ll spend my heart, mind and time on. Jesus also talks about how his words aren’t just spices to add to my life – they’re to be the foundation. Now I don’t think I had much of a choice with this one, since I learned how to read using a Beginner’s Bible – but I think this is a perfect preemptive strike for folks who simply want to incorporate some of “Good Man” Jesus’s sayings into their lives. And one thing I’ve found myself doing over the past few years is attributing Biblical virtues and phrases to other sources, forgetting where I originally heard them – so I need to get back to my roots and foundations.
• If I quit being so obsessive with getting and instead focus on giving, I’ll be a happier guy, because what I’ll get from God is what I need and not just what I desire. This also goes along with what I read about Abraham this week, in that God provides his children with what they need when they do what he asks.
• “Don’t reduce holy mysteries to slogans.” – Well, there goes half my vocabulary.

Psalms (6:1 – 10:18) & Proverbs (1:29 – 3:10)

• David says that he brings his requests to God every morning and then waits expectantly. I’ve got the expectant part down – it’s the waiting that I have trouble with.
• David may be a little melodramatic at times, but I like that his messages essentially boil down to, “regardless of the stuff the world throws at me, I find comfort in knowing that my God loves me (and sometimes that knowledge is all that I have.” Last Sunday I visited Vintage Metairie and Rob Wilton spoke a little about how sometimes he doesn’t need praise songs or a sermon or anything – he just wants to feel the presence of God. When I’m at the beach, I spend the majority of my time sitting on our balcony, reading a book because I don’t need to feel the ocean or the sand under my feet or the hot sun beating down on me – I just take pleasure in knowing I’m doing something I normally do somewhere I’m normally not. I don’t know if that’s connected at all with this, but it brought me some comfort and a smile.
• One thing that both David and Solomon hit on is that God/wisdom responds to those who actively seek Him. “You, oh Lord, do not abandon those who search for you,” David says, while Solomon goes all Field of Dreams on us and says that, “If we seek Wisdom, we will find it.”
• “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path.” This is one of those verses that, I guarantee you, 42 Sunday School classes made their kids memorize this morning. It’s one that I, Bible-drill-illiterate as I may be, can say forwards and backwards. It’s one that I normally skim over because I’m like, “Yep, know that one, what’s new?” However, this week I focused on this passage, because I don’t want to skim and because I saw how it related to the stories I was reading in Abraham and Jesus and the centurion. In the past year that I’ve been working with addicts and studying the relationship between sponsorship and awareness, I’ve developed a new appreciation for how limited my own sight is. To me, the idea of not leaning on my own understanding runs counter to what I want to do – but it’s what I need to do because I’m (literally) nearsighted and can only see what’s in front of me (and not that well either, I’m afraid). The idea of considering God in the things that I do and allowing him to direct me like a cosmic GPS is uncomfortable to me… but effective. What I’m trying to say, in other words, is that if anyone has a WWJD bracelet left over from junior high, I’ll take it.

*EDIT* I'm not even gonna lie - I retroactively googled and added this jam, to fit my new goal of including a pertinent jam to each entry. But I love Sixpence, I love Leigh Nash and somewhere in the back of my mind, I want to remember hearing her since an uptempo version of this song at Cornerstone... but that has become lost in history.

What Happened to the Dinosaurs

Week 1: January 2 - 5
I made my goal on January 1st. I was psyched to get started on the new year, get a full 365 days of Bible-reading in 2013, all that garbage. But I waited until after midnight on New Years Day to download the app and subscribe to the plan - so it has me starting on the 2nd (and it won't let me go back a day to change it). This is gonna bug me all year.
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I skimmed the Creation story and Jesus's genealogy/birth. Anytime we had to recite verses in RA's or Sunday School, I'd always knock out the creation story because:
1. As I've said, I've tried for a very long time to accomplish this goal and you always start with Genesis.
2. You always start the kids on Genesis! That's been drilled into my head since before my head plates grew together and solidified!
And I skipped the Christmas story because it was just Christmas and my parents made me go to both Sunday morning church (and hear the Christmas story) and Christmas Eve church (and hear the Christmas story). I know the Christmas story. Next!
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As an addictions counselor, Noah's got a special place in my heart. He's definitely not the first fudge-up we meet in the book (thanks EVE!), but he is the first named drunk. I also think it's interesting how, of all the people God deemed righteous and worth saving (and worth re-propagating the human race), he picked Noah the drunk! And let's be real, you would have to be an alcoholic to build a giant boat for somewhere-like 120 years when you'd never seen an ocean before, right?
I also started thinking that maybe Noah wasn't a drunk before God wiped out humanity, but after. Considering we don't actually hear of Noah imbibing until he plants a vineyard in the soggy ground, this could be a possibility. You gotta think that it'd be pretty lonely being one of a handful of people left on the earth. Throughout my life, it's been pointed out that God uses losers and fudge-ups to do great things and Noah is the first guy we meet that embodies that.
Last thing about Noah and probably the most important read-between-the-lines detail in the Bible - Noah killed the dinosaurs. Follow me on this! Noah and his kin were on the ark for a full year, accompanied by TWO of each animal. The Bible's been pretty detailed up until this point about the logistics of the ark, so you'd think they might include a food plan, right? I don't see one. So logic would dictate that those folks got hungry at some point - and if you have a choice between a skinny squirrel or a plump Brontosaurus, you're gonna go with the dino, right?
Not only this, but immediately after getting off the ark, Noah builds an altar and makes a sacrifice - so that's another species gone! Unicorns, maybe?
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So John the Baptist is baptizing folks and he sees the hipster Pharisees and Sadducees coming to the river to get baptized because all the cool kids are. And John starts hating and calls em a brood of vipers and that a little water on their snakeskins isn't gonna make a difference and that trying to pull rank by pointing out their great-great-great-grandaddy Abraham isn't gonna cut it - their lives must change, not their skin!
I love this passage for a few reasons. I get tickled when folks in the Bible get ornery and start bustin chops... it's just cool to me. Secondly and most importantly and finally, I see the correlation between John's words and the behavior change I try to teach my clients about every day.
Often, I have clients come in who say that they don't need to do "all the extra stuff" like get a sponsor, go to meetings, work the steps - they just need to get sober for a little while and get the drugs out of their system. And to me that's like the 'sees going down to the water, trying to cover their butts with the latest kick - I don't need to turn my heart towards God, as long as I'm paying my dues in the club. Both of these things are erroneous - my clients because using drugs is just one of many defective behaviors that cause their lives to go awry and the 'sees because, as we learned with David and his brothers, God doesn't care what you look like - He cares about the heart.

*EDIT* We're talking Creation, animals, in the beginning... eh, guess I'll drop this jam.

In the Beginning...

I can't help but feel like I'm living on borrowed time.
As I recall, this world was supposed to be destroyed a couple of weeks ago by some cheesed-off Mayans. Maybe they took the holidays off, a sign of poor planning on their ancestors' part. Maybe we're getting "added time," a concept I learned back in 2010 when I decided I'd rather watch the World Cup than study Systematic Theology.
Regardless, I feel like I need to clean my slate before approaching those pearly gates. I never did Bible Drills. My mom was a pageant-mother when it came to church choir, but she didn't seem to give two-shakes about taking us to church two hours early for Bible Drills. Maybe that might explain my affinity for CCM and my inability to remember the location of the Scriptures I occasionally drop in conversation.
So I've made the decision (as I normally do this time of year) to read the Bible through. I'm a week away from 27 and I've been in church since my first Sunday alive, so I'm always a little perturbed that I've never been able to finish the book that I base my life and decisions upon.
As previously mentioned, I've tried (many times) to accomplish this goal. I've bought (3 distinct) bibles strictly for this purpose. I've downloaded plans, gone through programs at church, etc. In the same way that I treatment plan with my clients, I will detail below my method.

Goals:
-To read the entire Bible through within the course of 2013.
-To create 52 posts documenting my progress.

Objectives (how I will accomplish this goal): -I have downloaded the "Bible" app by LifeChurch.tv (youversion) on my phone and subscribed to The One Year Bible plan. I will read the Old and New Testament sections of this plan using The Message (because it's readable, new and my mind won't wash over words I've already read) and the Psalms and Proverbs sections in the NIV (because that's how I recognize them and like them).
-I will take brief notes on various concepts I see in the scripture that relate to my contemporary life, questions I have or general observations.
-I will do a weekly recap of these notes on this here [as-yet-untitled] blog.

I always tell my clients that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results - so here's something different. The necessary note-taking will keep me from just skimming over each night's reading and the accountability of you folks knowing what I'm attempting will hopefully hold me to my goal. So we'll see where this takes us.

**EDIT: Props to Michael "Juiceface" Steinmetz for the title.